Holidays
Present Proliferation: The list of obligatory gifts keeps growing. When can you say no?
By ANA VECIANA-SUAREZ
Miami Herald
Saturday, December 10, 2005
DRAWING THE LINE
''You really have to draw the line somewhere,'' says Howard Dvorkin, founder of the nonprofit Consumer Credit Counseling in Fort Lauderdale and author of Credit Hell: How to Dig Out of Debt (Wiley, $19.95). ``It's up to you because somehow the message of the holiday -- spending time with family -- has been lost. The value system has changed and now we're influenced to give gifts and to go overboard.''
In general, etiquette experts say that if money remains an issue -- or you simply hope to surf away from the tsunami of commercialism -- scale down the size of the gifts as well as the list of recipients. Don't let the ads fool you: You really really don't have to buy something for everyone.
BE SELECTIVE
''Rule of thumb,'' says Whitmore, ``is to be selective. I will probably not give to the garbage man, but I will certainly give to the baby-sitter. She takes care of the most important person in my life.''
Consider these factors when drawing up your list: how long you've used the service, the quality and frequency of the service, your relationship with the person and, of course, your budget.
The people who serve you regularly but briefly -- a parking attendant, for instance -- may be tipped between $10 and $30. A person you see less often but who still tends to your needs -- a barber or manicurist -- normally receives the cost of one visit. An employee, on the other hand, may expect one week's pay.
If that sounds like a lot, you're right. But it's the cost of doing business.
''If you can shell out $100 a week for a cleaning lady,'' Brouwer says, ''you can certainly afford to give her something at the end of the year.'' There are other options, too. Dale Webb of The Protocol Centre in Miami thinks holiday-tipping and gift-giving can be very personalized -- and not cost a lot of money. ``However you want to be remembered is fine. It can be homemade cookies, a small gift or cash, or even a card with a nice note. It's about what you feel comfortable with.''
Brouwer, too, is a big fan of personal tokens. ``I have people who love my beer bread and they expect it. I send it to the person with a lovely note every year. You don't have to spend a lot of money. It's really the thought that counts.''
But in this harried era of long hours in the office and frenzied activity outside, is it practical to spend hours baking or writing notes? Probably not, but you might want to consider the ramifications.
''Are there consequences?'' asks Whitmore. ``I think a lot depends on the personality of the person you're dealing with. It's hard to tell.''
Other etiquette experts agree: ''My cleaning lady is not going to stop doing business with me if I don't give her a tip or a gift,'' Brouwer explains. ``But I think she does expect something, and that makes a difference.''
Besides, a gift, however small, can go a long way. Ingram, for instance, always gives her garbage collector a tip at the end of the year. ''My garbage cans are always placed neatly along the curb, not thrown around,'' she says. ``I think there's a reason.''
A holiday gift may be remembered for a long time afterwards, too.
Last year Brouwer was asked to appear on the morning program of a local TV station, so she called her regular hair stylist to squeeze her in at the last minute. The front desk person said it was impossible, but when she spoke to the woman personally, the stylist found room in her busy schedule.
