Holidays
But Spending Is A Holiday Ball!
While Thrifty Is Nifty, Some Shoppers Say It's Fun to Go for Broke
Sunday, November 30, 2003
Margaret Webb Pressler
The Washington Post
Yet every year, I do it again.
For the past month, I've been steeling myself for this coming seasonal battle. But as I was reading my colleague Michelle Singletary's recent Color of Money column, in which she advocated a slim budget of merely $100 for all one's holiday gifts, I began to wonder if there's really anything wrong with getting a little carried away by the spirit of the holidays. Aren't we Spenders having more fun than the Savers, anyway? There's no question that when I save money I feel good -- but in a virtuous sort of way, not in the way that makes me want to have another glass of eggnog.
Some consumer and psychology experts believe the excess is okay, such as Richard Feinberg, professor of consumer sciences and retailing at Purdue University.
"It's not a sign that we're out of control; it's a sign that we like to make people happy," he said. "It's basic psychology. Rats press bars to get food."
Others are more skeptical.
"I think it does vaguely erode self-esteem," said Olivia Mellan, a District-based money coach and psychotherapist. "You can't even enjoy what you have if you have too much of everything."
Both arguments sound at least partially true to me. But because I have more fun being a Spender than a Saver, and the holidays are supposed to be fun, I find it wholly defensible to stick with my approach.
People who shop a lot at this time of year do so for a variety of reasons. Psychologists say one of the clear factors in the end-of-year shopfest is the fact that it is the end of the year. It's a natural time for people to assess who they are, what they've done for the past 12 months and whether they need to make amends to anyone. That's where the shopping comes in.
Didn't spend enough time with the nieces and nephews? Didn't call your mother enough? A few extra-special presents are just the ticket. The influence of guilt, and using presents to show people how much you love them, are common elements in the frenzy of Christmas.
"People just get caught up in it -- they think the more expensive the gift, the greater the expression of love," said April Lewis-Parks, director of education for Consolidated Credit Counseling Services.
Clearly, that's not always the case. The difference between the $120 vase and the $180 vase is likely to be meaningless to many. But when it comes to not buying anything at all, or buying something cheap, that will be noticed. I may overdo it a little, but over the years I've had pretty good success finding wonderful gifts that effectively showed the recipient how much I care. It's made me feel good, and it's made the person receiving the gift feel good.
"What's wrong with that?" Feinberg asks. "Most people don't spend incredible amounts of money -- it's not even one of the top five reasons for bankruptcy."
Retailers certainly make it easy to rack up the gifts at this time of year, too, with strategically placed displays of cute little tchotchkes and whatnots. It's manipulative and commercial, perhaps, but the music, the d�cor, the crowds, the big red and green signs -- it's all kind of fun. Many retailers are pretty dull the rest of the year, so I find it enjoyable to be seduced a little during December by the exciting atmosphere.
The problem, of course, is that in the spirit of celebration, shoppers can get carried away. They may buy frivolous gifts. Silly gifts. Useless but decorative gifts. What feels right to buy during the holiday season may not feel so right in April (or even on Dec. 26).
But that, too, is just part of the holiday way, says Edwin B. Fisher, a professor of psychology and medicine at Washington University in St. Louis, who specializes in impulse-control issues.
"That's what Christmas is for. It's not a time to get white underwear," Fisher said. And at least to a point, he views holiday spending limits as there to be broken. "One of the things that makes the holidays joyous is that it's a time when we all sort of agree to relax, in all sorts of ways," he said. "We eat food that we shouldn't or wouldn't want to eat every day. We eat more. We have an extra drink at the office Christmas party and let our hair down a little."
At the same time, Fisher is quick to add that "compulsively feeling that you have to spend $500 or whatever on everybody on your list is probably not realistic and not necessary."
The main reasons many people overspend during the holidays are rather prosaic, Fisher says: not having a plan and not having perspective. Without a plan, shoppers tend to keep buying and buying, forgetting what they've already purchased and whom they need to buy for. Shoppers without perspective get bent out of shape if they can't find the absolute best present for everyone, and they often make up for that perceived insufficiency by buying more.
But if one can manage it without creating a financial problem, or stressing out too much, then letting loose a bit at the holidays may well be a good thing -- at least for Spenders like me. But that doesn't make it a good approach for Savers like Michelle. The reason? Savers and Spenders are just wholly different personality types. I could no sooner stick to a penurious spending plan than Michelle could go crazy with her gift list. We'd be miserable all season.
People who are Savers are "hard-wired completely differently from you temperamentally," said Olivia Mellan, a District-based money coach and psychotherapist. "What makes [Savers] feel out of control is spending in the moment. What makes you feel bad is setting limits."
Mellan argues that even if Spenders and Savers aren't going to change their natures, they can learn from each other, and at least move a little in the other's direction. "For me, growth for everybody involves practicing the non-habitual -- being where you aren't or doing what doesn't come naturally," Mellan said.
For every person there's probably a spending sweet spot: just the right amount of shopping to make you feel good about your gifts, without feeling chintzy or out of control. I'm going to stop feeling bad about my shopping just because others are saving for their kids' educations while I'm at the mall. But I am going to try something new this year: I'm shopping with a plan. I have a list, well hidden, with names and gifts and prices -- a road map for my spending.
If it works, I'll not only have fun all season, but I will also be able to throw away all that wrapping paper Christmas morning without feeling that little twinge of shame.
