Valentine’s Day is around the corner, and if you’re getting serious with your partner, it might be a good time to have an intimate conversation. It’s not that kind of intimate conversation. We’re talking about financial intimacy.
While it may not be the most romantic topic or as fun as discussing Valentine’s Day gifts, discussing finances is an important part of healthy relationships. Many of us were taught it’s not polite to talk about finances, and bringing it up too early in a relationship can feel rude or risky. However, early conversations about money can strengthen your bond.
It’s less about who has the bigger bank account and more about whether you’re on the same page regarding spending, saving, goals, and what money means to you. It’s like a compatibility check for your financial future.
Still, bringing up money can feel awkward and uncomfortable.
We’ll offer advice on approaching these conversations and making money talk into a comfortable and open dialogue that strengthens your bond.
Start with trust
For many people, money and self-worth go hand in hand. This can make financial conversations emotionally charged, potentially triggering feelings of insecurity or vulnerability.
Be patient with yourself and your partner, and approach these discussions with empathy and understanding. Avoid harsh judgments or feelings of shame, and remember that the goal is to work together to create a financial plan that aligns with your shared goals and values.
Schedule a dedicated time and place to have these conversations, avoiding unexpectedly springing them on your partner. Communicate openly and honestly, expressing your thoughts and feelings clearly and respectfully. Listen actively to your partner’s perspective, even if you don’t always agree.
The intention is to create open communication, accountability, and mutual respect, not one of restriction or shame. Remember that building a healthy financial relationship takes time and effort.
Work through the details
Discussing the nitty-gritty of your finances as a couple can initially feel daunting. There’s a lot of ground to cover regarding finance, including income, spending habits, budgeting, financial history, debts, and future goals. When having these conversations, it’s important for both partners to be open. Unnecessary secrecy or vagueness can erode trust and set you up for trouble.
Discuss debt and your financial history
Honesty and transparency are key when discussing debt and financial history. This includes student loans, credit card debt, and other financial obligations.
If some of your goals as a couple include making a major purchase together, like a car or house, you’ll also want to share your credit scores as this can have a major impact on your ability to finance these purchases. Sharing this information can help you understand each other’s financial burdens and develop a plan to address them together.
Create a joint budget (or not)
Deciding whether to create a joint budget is a personal choice. It can depend on many factors, including your relationship status (married, cohabitating, or dating), individual spending habits, financial goals, and comfort levels with shared finances.
Some couples find it helpful to pool their resources and create a shared budget. Others prefer to maintain separate finances while still contributing to shared expenses. There is no right or wrong answer as long as the chosen approach works for both partners.
Remember, you can always try one way and reassess.
Focus on the future
One of the most important aspects of financial intimacy is aligning on your shared financial goals. Do you both dream of owning a home? Are you saving for retirement? Are you interested in traveling the world?
Discussing these goals early on can help determine if your financial aspirations are compatible. You can then create a budget, set savings targets, and develop a plan to achieve your shared dreams.
Use technology
If all of this seems overwhelming, don’t worry. A wealth of tools available can assist couples in managing their finances effectively.
These include apps and software platforms that track spending, create budgets, project future financial goals, and even simulate different financial scenarios. These tools provide valuable insights into spending habits, identifying areas for potential savings and adjustments.
Couples can have data-driven and more objective discussions about their finances using these. Also, many of these tools offer features like shared accounts and automated bill pay. These can help reduce administrative burdens and free up time for other priorities.
Seek outside help when needed
If you can’t work out financial issues on your own, or if you find yourselves constantly circling back to the same disagreements about money, it may be time to seek external guidance despite efforts to communicate constructively.
Financial advisors provide unbiased expertise and can tailor strategies to your unique circumstances, staying informed on market trends. If you’re working through debt issues, credit counseling can help you find the best solution for your unique situation.
If communication consistently breaks down, couples counseling can help identify the underlying emotional and psychological factors contributing to money conflicts, equipping you with healthier communication tools.
Couples’ financial advisors bridge the gap between financial expertise and relationship counseling, guiding you through decisions while addressing the emotional aspects of money management. Remember, there is no shame in seeking outside help.
Review and adjust regularly
Financial situations can change rapidly, so regularly checking and reviewing your financial plan is important. You can then make adjustments as needed, like re-evaluating your budget, adjusting your savings goals, or discussing any changes in your income or expenses.
Remember, building a strong financial foundation is an ongoing process. It requires open communication, mutual respect, and a willingness to adapt and grow together.
By embracing these conversations, working together towards your shared financial goals, and celebrating successes, you can strengthen your bond and build a more secure future together.
